A Memorial to John

John S Raykowski, my husband of 45 years passed away June 25, 2008. In my eyes he was a man of truthfulness. In fact once he had to take a psychological test and the instructor told him,"You are the most honest Man I've ever tested." How's that for a testimony!! John read a great deal and also had a good command of the English language. His wit was something I've always been proud of.

John served in the Army from 1950 to 1962 and in the Navy from 1962 to 1968. He loved the service, but because being in the Navy meant being away from his family he didn't re-enlist the last time served. Looking backward that was a mistake on my part. I know that John loved me dearly and I loved him the same.

We have two boys, Jim and John Michael. John is so proud of them and their accomplishments. Sometimes I would think no one else had sons who accomplished anything compared to his. As they grew up we moved so John would have work. Sometimes I say, we are from the United States as we have lived or been through about 30 of our great fifty states.

Besides our two boys, John's nephews were always welcome at our house. Tom and Don came often. After the move to Pinehurst, Don, his wife Sandy, their grandson Jacob, and of course Junior Dog came a few week-ends a year to play golf with John. He greatly enjoyed the Comradely of his nephews, especially since the boys were both on the west coast. We loved having them visit. They are still welcome.

In our life times, we usually only find one soul mate, I believe that John was mine. I don't know how, but sometimes he knew what I was thinking before I said it. I am sure others had that experience. We were hoping for 100 years together so someone would give a name and color to the 100th anniversary. At least when we first got married in 1962, we thought that way.

John has been my husband, my best friend, my sounding board and my lover. I will miss him greatly, but I know that life goes on and I am trying to adjust to a life without him. It isn't easy and I know I'll make mistakes, but hopefully they won't be too many. Right now it is hard to let people into my life. I am afraid of being taken advantage of, of not making the right decisions and I know this will pass and my confidence will return.

John was a one of a kind person and I feel privileged to have him in my life. We got married young 19 and 21 and grew up together. He taught me a lot and I hope I can remember what he taught me. He was a good friend to people whom he let into his life. His trust was not easy to give and those who had this trust were fortunate. His heart beat true. Our life together had ups and downs as every marriage does, but mostly ups. I enjoyed the moving we did as this was a learning experience for our family. We learned that no matter where you live in our great country, we all want to have peace and joy in our lives. People are the same, if we think about how we feel, we can know how others feel. We as humans seem to need to be in control, once that control feeling is let go, we can realize that things that count in our lives is God and family. Once we realize that our lives can be so much easier. Life is too short to argue about what is better. Working together is much more fun.


John dearly loved to play golf, so when he found out he had cancer, he retired in 2005 and moved to Pinehurst, North Carolina. For three years he played about three to four times a week. That last year not so much. In 2006 I retired and our son sent us on a cruise to the Caribbean. We had always wanted to go on a cruise. It was a good time in our lives. We had a wonderful time. The picture at the top is from that cruise.

Christmas 2007 both boys came home and I think I knew this would be our last Christmas together. John was beginning to wane, starting in April of 2008, we called in Hospice and he quietly lived his life. On June 25, 2008 he died, I think he was waiting for me to wake up that morning. The family was here and I slept on the couch that night. I awoke at about 7AM went to his bed, there was a tear in his eye and he was so very hot. I gave him a good morning kiss and I remember stroking his forehead, saying to him, "Darling, you know the Doctor told you that you would know when it was time to leave, the family is here and I'll be taken care of, if you must go it is OK." He took one more breath and was gone. Passing peacefully was good. I didn't want him to suffer any more.

While living, he built a great deck about 20x16 and we enjoyed it so very much. We were blessed with great neighbors and from time to time they joined us on the deck and we would have a drink and great conversation. We are known as the "Overpeck Gang", because we all live on Overpeck Lane. John truly loved having them here. I wish I had pictures of them to post also. They are so good to me and understand when I get weepy. I thank God for them.

I am now going into my second year of grieving in 2009 and I still miss him so very much. Some days I think his spirit is with me and will always be there. I know that our friends miss him too. John will always be a part of my life and also those he touched. He is at peace and I know with our heavenly father. Thank you Lord for all of your help during our life together.

This is a note of two years.
This is being written on June 18, 2010, I want everyone to know that death doesn't get any easier, it just fades and reality sets in. Today is such a very bad day for me as the 2 year anniversary is coming and I am really having such a bad time with it. Last year I went away and visited and this year I decided to stay home and it is hitting me so hard. Maybe I should have let it hit last year, but I think looking back I was correct. I can handle this much better. Next Friday I will go to the cemetery and chat a while to his old body as I know his soul is in heaven with my Father. (Heavenly Father) I am really alone today and feel that way, but I know that this too shall pass and life will go on. God's blessings to all who read this blog. It has been my way of grieving and getting better.